The below experience is written by Cathy Holt, a Connection Practice Trainer and Coach. Cathy enjoys applying the Connection Practice to every area of her life. The below-written success story illustrates how very practical and effective this practice is in navigating our dealings with others by offering fruitful insights, and effective solutions, instead of walls and hurt feelings.
"I am in a group that has been scheduling public forums, and a decision got made without consulting one of the key people, who was not present.
I expressed an objection to the decision but the group leader did not go with my position.
When the person who was not present was notified, she was furious.
So the group leader hastily revoked her decision.
My Feelings: I was feeling upset, frustrated, angry; and I needed to be heard, to matter, more fairness and equality, and more congruency (walking our talk).
At the next meeting, I requested that our decision-making process be placed on the agenda, which it was, but then the meeting ran over our time limit and my item was not discussed.
Afterwards, I got this heart insight: I realized that I also was feeling resentment because I had taken on more responsibilities than I was really comfortable with, and my need for support was not being met by others in the group to the extent that I had expected, so I wound up with yet more on my to-do list.
The action I needed to take was to reach out to the group leader.
I wrote to her:
'I regret not being more forthcoming and seeking you out one on one, to bring up the issues that have been bothering me. I'm guessing that you felt discouraged when I did not join the group for dinner out, and perhaps you thought I was not prioritizing communication. Which was true--I wanted to go home and eat my leftovers! And more recently, I did not directly address the issue of decision making in a conversation with you. I know that you, too, need collaboration and support. I realize that I took on too much and then got resentful about it. So I would be glad to discuss this issue further with you, even by phone if need be.'
She wrote back:
'Thank you so much for reaching out. I really appreciate your openness. I felt sad yesterday that you left the meeting upset. I appreciate your recognition that you've taken on too much and how that's impacting you. I've been working with that for myself too. I push myself and I tend to push others - it's important to me that you say no to things you don't want to do.'
We have a phone date scheduled now.