Feelings and Needs List
Use this list to help identify your feelings and the underlying needs that generate them. By connecting feelings to needs, you take charge of them, so they don’t unconsciously take charge of you.
How to Use the List of Feelings and Needs
- Identify Your Feelings
- Reflect: Pause and ask, “What am I feeling right now?”
- Match: Use the feelings list to find the words that best describe your emotional state.
- Identify Your Needs
- Ask: “What needs are underneath my feelings?”
- Match: Refer to the needs list to identify the met or unmet needs that have generated your feelings.
- Empathize
- Self-Empathy: Identifying your feelings and needs connects you consciously to your inner life. Then you become resourceful in meeting your needs rather than judging your thoughts and feelings.
- Empathy for Others: If you are in conflict with someone, make respectful guesses of their feelings and needs.
Feelings When Our Needs Are Met
- adventurous
- affectionate
- alive
- amazed
- appreciative
- calm
- centered
- comfortable
- compassionate
- confident
- content
- curious
- delighted
- eager
- encouraged
- energetic
- enthusiastic
- excited
- fascinated
- free
- fulfilled
- glad
- grateful
- happy
- hopeful
- inspired
- interested
- intrigued
- joyful
- lively
- marvelous
- motivated
- moved
- optimistic
- peaceful
- playful
- pleased
- proud
- relaxed
- relieved
- safe
- satisfied
- strong
- surprised
- thankful
- thrilled
- touched
- trusting
Feelings When Our Needs Are Not Met
- afraid
- angry
- annoyed
- anxious
- ashamed
- bewildered
- bored
- bothered
- concerned
- confused
- depressed
- desperate
- disappointed
- discouraged
- disgusted
- dismayed
- distressed
- drained
- dread
- embarrassed
- envious
- exasperated
- exhausted
- fearful
- fed up
- frustrated
- furious
- grumpy
- guilty
- hesitant
- hopeless
- horrified
- hostile
- hurt
- impatient
- insecure
- irritated
- jealous
- lazy
- lonely
- lost
- miserable
- moody
- nervous
- numb
- overwhelmed
- pessimistic
- regretful
- reluctant
- resentful
- sad
- scared
- sensitive
- shocked
- shy
- sickened
- stressed
- surprised
- suspicious
- tense
- terrified
- tired
- torn
- uncertain
- uncomfortable
- unhappy
- unsafe
- unsatisfied
- unsure
- upset
- vulnerable
- worried
Needs and Values We All Have
- acceptance
- achievement
- acknowledgement
- adventure
- affection
- appreciation
- authenticity
- autonomy
- balance
- beauty
- celebration
- choice
- clarity
- closure
- comfort
- communication
- community
- compassion
- confidence
- connection
- consideration
- contribution
- cooperation
- creativity
- dignity
- ease
- emotional safety
- empathy
- empowerment
- equality
- exercise
- fairness
- freedom
- friendship
- fun
- growth
- harmony
- health
- help
- honesty
- hope
- humor
- independence
- inspiration
- integrity
- intimacy
- justice
- knowledge
- learning
- leisure
- love
- meaning
- mourning
- mutuality
- nurturance
- nutrition
- order
- participation
- patience
- peace
- physical security
- play
- power in our world
- privacy
- progress
- purpose
- reassurance
- recreation
- reliability
- respect
- rest, sleep
- safety
- self-acceptance
- self appreciation
- self-determination
- self-esteem
- self-expression
- sexual expression
- shared reality
- solitude
- space
- stability
- success
- support
- to belong
- to be heard
- to have our intentions
understood - to matter
- to be seen for who we are
- trust
- understanding
- well-being
Examples of strategies often mistaken for needs
- attention
- control
- money
- obedience
- praise
- punishment
- punctuality
- revenge
- time
- to be right
Learn More
To become skillful at empathy, consider learning the Connection Practice, which offers a structured, innovative way to combine empathy and insight for lifelong social-emotional growth.